The Abyss.

Those generally aren't associated with positivity, but I'm going to swirl things around a bit.

Ladies and gents (if there are still any of you out there) I owe you my most sincere of apologies for falling off the face of the earth- or into, dun dun dun...the abyss. Truth be told, I was planning on developing something a little different, but it appears as though I may be able to stick around.

Since we last spoke, I've done quite a bit of moving and transitioning. So I decided, again- probably to my own demise- to bring you along on my pubescent-ly awkward journey for your amusement.

1. I moved out of my parents place into a beautiful apartment with an old friend. It's wonderful for all the reasons that moving out of your parents' house can be wonderful and because it's just a great place for a great price. I got lucky and I'm extremely grateful. Also...I found that living independently (but still close to my family) is well worth the fairly regular freak outs I have because I can't remember which bills I've paid and which I haven't...or my usernames/passwords for all the accounts I would need to monitor said fiscal responsibility. (Are you guys using mint.com? If I could give the creator a big ol' hug, I would.)
   
2. I have slowly spiraled from loving my job to loathing it. I was naive (still am) and unfortunately made an employment decision without doing the proper research. I didn't take the time to really consider my options in terms of long-term fulfillment, which, ironically enough, was my only set-in-stone career goal. I had a temporary lapse in self-awareness and believed that full time "Director of Marketing" at a web developer was closer to what I wanted to do than part-time "Editorial Assistant" at a financial website. (Completely ignoring the fact that when I graduated I said I wanted nothing to do with marketing. C'mon...DIRECTOR of anything sounds sweet, no?) No. Fresh out of college with no guidance is asking for disaster. Frustrating, over-bearing, white-knuckling disaster. Well, unless you're extremely underpaid. Then it's frustrating, over-bearing, white-knuckling, animosity-producing disaster. I'm not sure if I can call it a learning experience past now knowing a little more about how to evaluate my employment situation- that is- when I'm being interviewed and they ask "Do you have any questions for us?" I now know what to ask. As for learning anything about marketing.... well, whatever I read on all the blogs I surf so...yeah. Just a warning for those of you applying to boutiques and smaller- don't let them taunt you with titles, it means nothing. I'm not the director of marketing- I do everything for them (from copywriting to web content to tech support to scheduling conference calls) and I get paid less than the average part-time copywriter in South Florida. Another note- if you've got the opportunity and the power to negotiate, asking other people what you should be getting is great guidance, but you know what you need- don't cut yourself short. It only contributes to that fun disaster stuff I mentioned above.
   
3. So, after reading 2, I guess it goes without saying that I've moved back to the web to do more than giggle at PoWM... I'm job hunting again, but I'm going about it differently this time. Sure I glance at craigy, my old friend, and career builder and monster...but now I am doing the networking and exploring and posting and responding and freelancing. On all of this, I'll keep you posted.

But I think the most important move I've made isn't quite as obvious. My ultimate goal in life has always been to just be happy. Just be happy. Except, well... I always thought that if I was just happy that I'd be content and boring and wouldn't push myself or motivate myself. I never really took the time to figure out what happiness meant to me. The closest I can get to describing what I was expecting is when you finally spin that purple 4 and when you cross that last orange space, you opt for Countryside Acres because you think you've got enough of the orange tiles that you can leave Millionaire Estates for someone else.

Considering Milton Bradley ain't my daddy, I spent a long time spinning in circles.

And, somewhere in the abyss, in the past 4 months or so, I slowly realized that happiness is found in the little things. It's a particularly purple sunset. Or turning on the radio just in time to hear your favorite song. Or laughing so hard you can't feel your legs. Or conspiring against your parents with your younger siblings. It's a balance between appreciation for all of the wonderful things in your life and being creative enough to think of ways to make things better.

So even though I'm putting up with a whole lotta B.S. - I still found a little window to be happy and I'm being productive.


So- tell me, what made you smile today?