Terminated.

It’s taken me about a week to work up the chutzpah to write this blog entry. I mean, let’s be honest: getting fired from your first job isn’t exactly an admirable quality.

You’re not really getting a fair story on this because I wrote so much during the honeymoon phase of the job and not over the past 4 months, where my enthusiasm and eagerness slowly dissipated with every HTML/ technical writing/ Quickbooks assignment I completed.

I was floundering. I hated that position. I hated it so much, I had to leave the house before I really woke up and was getting there 45 minutes early. The last month, I spent 60% of the day staring at HTML files that made no sense to me, or trying to eloquently explain a universal e-commerce tool that I didn’t understand. I spent about an hour a day on marketing blogs trying to teach myself B2B marketing and I’ll admit, I spent probably a total of an hour a day IMing with a co-worker about how unfit we were for our positions. (Considering how often I took lunch and how often I took work home with me, I can with confidence say that I wasn’t stealing time from the company.)

During my interview, and even in the first couple months or so, I saw potential for the company. I wanted to help spring them off the starting lines. I was naively enthusiastic about everything I did. About expressing ideas for growth and about writing product descriptions I never fully understood. About every minute interaction with clients and every Google analytics statistic. I, fresh out of college with no real business experience, made plans and goals and did everything from make them a 1-year strategy for their subscriptions to grow their Twitter account.

But everything was a fight. If they gave me an assignment, it was a struggle for me to share their passion, a struggle for me to understand their poor explanations of enormous, complex tools. If I came to them with a goal or a strategy or an objective or a new idea, it was a fight to get them to comprehend. I’m not saying that’s not normal- but I’m saying that absolutely nothing came natural to the position. Nothing. A job that was purely for the paycheck- there was no passion or enthusiasm or enjoyment. I can’t work that model.

Regardless, my intentions for this post aren’t to justify or rationalize why I did what I did or why my bosses did what they did.

Getting fired, no matter how pleasant and civil it may be (my experience really was), is never pleasant and civil. It fucking hurts. It tears the carpet from under your feet. The stability in your life is mucked up and any clarity you may have had is quickly shattered with phrases like “It’s just not working for us anymore.” You question what was recently unwavering confidence. Worry about every outgoing dime and every incoming bill. Worry about being adept enough to apply for future positions. Worry about finding positions to apply for.

And I have it easy. I’m intelligent, young, single- I have a savings account. I was miserable with my work and wasn’t getting paid enough to pay my bills (even if I had gotten the raise I was due the Monday before I was let go). Even with all of that- I would have never quit this job, too persistent, and getting fired was the best thing that could have happened for me.

I’m thinking of it as a long, real life, internship. I learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses in a real work setting. I sound like an old lady, but really- you have no idea how vital that first salary negotiation is until you’ve been working your ass off for 10 weeks and realize you have to decide between gas and a week’s worth of groceries.

Mom quote: “You found this while you were looking for a job, you’ll find something else while looking for a job.”

So today makes it a week that I’m contributing to Florida’s unbelievably high unemployment rates. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wallowing a little bit- but I’m definitely putting the focus on being productive. While I have this opportunity, I’m only sending my resume to jobs that make me go “ooo” and believe I’m ok with the fact that I might be working two part time jobs to pay the bills while I study and really pursue my plans for my graduate degree. Hey- it’s the economy, right?

Leading the Future with Passion.

Social Media and new media and web2.0 and anything else you want to call it, isn't just changing the way we market and advertise our businesses, it's changing the business model itself.

I've read in a few places that our generation of college graduates has a sense of entitlement. We're not as hardworking as our predecessors because we don't understand that we just need to do work and passion is a luxury- the way things were back in the day. But c'mon all you employers out there- we're not morons. Anybody who's got a job right now knows that they're lucky to have one- let alone one that can pay the bills, and we'll do what we need to in order to get by and grow into our goals.

At the same time though- we're freaking geniuses.

Most of us, if we're lucky, have had access to the internet since our pre-teen years. We've grown up and developed with it. In many cases, our education backgrounds revolved around it- not necessarily taking new media courses in college- as that curriculum is still evolving, but taking classes that require us to be on and utilize the internet for just about every assignment. I'm not ashamed to admit that I never once borrowed a library book on my college campus. I didn't need to- and I did quite alright, and my graduating GPA is proof. We've been partaking, and if we're smart- observing, the way things are changing. If you've been reading, paying attention to the world around you, keeping up with current events and taking into consideration which businesses are succeeding and which are failing, I believe it's easy to see that the future of success goes hand in hand with passion. Passion and confidence in whatever it is your selling or whatever service you're providing. Enough passion and confidence that evolving it comes natural and you can focus on the people you're selling/providing for- because that's where the world is heading- if it's not already there.

There will always be people who have to do work that doesn't make them happy, especially in times like these, but being a successful leader means being passionate about what you do.

Anything you want to do, do it. Want to change the world- there's nothing to it.

Lyrics from "Pure Imagination" b Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley, written for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I went on an interview last week knowing that I was unfit for the position before I sent my resume to the post. The position was a marketing assistant who would be responsible for all social media campaigning and helping the VP and director of marketing with their SEO efforts. The interviewer asked me a bunch of questions about a bunch of stuff that I don’t know much about. He knew he would get inexperienced people as a result of how little he was looking to pay- but he pointed out at the end of the interview that it seems that I lean more towards content generation and I seemed to seal my “Not right for the position” envelope when I said “Yes, I love to write.”

That was the first job interview that I went on that I wasn’t offered the position- and I’m ecstatic. Though he was offering little in the salary/benefits arena, it was still much better than the position I’m currently in (which, at the current moment, is the cause of many premature gray hairs) and it would push me to be more of a marketing assistant and less of an admin assistant (not that I don't get to do content creation as well- but I'm not pushing the envelope as much as I wish/should be doing right now). I don’t know if I would have had the strength to turn down a job offer, even though I knew it wasn’t right for me.

As job postings seem farther and farther away from who I am, I feel more and more like I’m going to be stuck in this windowless black hole, but where I need to be isn't going to find me through a posting. I'm officially on the hunt for that sweet-ass agency/firm that screams out to me.

Any web developers/ designers in NYC feeling the same way about the job hunt? Check out the portfolio and office walk-through in the video on The Wonder Factory's website.

Any cool offices you love? Something that makes you go "OOO...I could be uber productive there..."

The Abyss.

Those generally aren't associated with positivity, but I'm going to swirl things around a bit.

Ladies and gents (if there are still any of you out there) I owe you my most sincere of apologies for falling off the face of the earth- or into, dun dun dun...the abyss. Truth be told, I was planning on developing something a little different, but it appears as though I may be able to stick around.

Since we last spoke, I've done quite a bit of moving and transitioning. So I decided, again- probably to my own demise- to bring you along on my pubescent-ly awkward journey for your amusement.

1. I moved out of my parents place into a beautiful apartment with an old friend. It's wonderful for all the reasons that moving out of your parents' house can be wonderful and because it's just a great place for a great price. I got lucky and I'm extremely grateful. Also...I found that living independently (but still close to my family) is well worth the fairly regular freak outs I have because I can't remember which bills I've paid and which I haven't...or my usernames/passwords for all the accounts I would need to monitor said fiscal responsibility. (Are you guys using mint.com? If I could give the creator a big ol' hug, I would.)
   
2. I have slowly spiraled from loving my job to loathing it. I was naive (still am) and unfortunately made an employment decision without doing the proper research. I didn't take the time to really consider my options in terms of long-term fulfillment, which, ironically enough, was my only set-in-stone career goal. I had a temporary lapse in self-awareness and believed that full time "Director of Marketing" at a web developer was closer to what I wanted to do than part-time "Editorial Assistant" at a financial website. (Completely ignoring the fact that when I graduated I said I wanted nothing to do with marketing. C'mon...DIRECTOR of anything sounds sweet, no?) No. Fresh out of college with no guidance is asking for disaster. Frustrating, over-bearing, white-knuckling disaster. Well, unless you're extremely underpaid. Then it's frustrating, over-bearing, white-knuckling, animosity-producing disaster. I'm not sure if I can call it a learning experience past now knowing a little more about how to evaluate my employment situation- that is- when I'm being interviewed and they ask "Do you have any questions for us?" I now know what to ask. As for learning anything about marketing.... well, whatever I read on all the blogs I surf so...yeah. Just a warning for those of you applying to boutiques and smaller- don't let them taunt you with titles, it means nothing. I'm not the director of marketing- I do everything for them (from copywriting to web content to tech support to scheduling conference calls) and I get paid less than the average part-time copywriter in South Florida. Another note- if you've got the opportunity and the power to negotiate, asking other people what you should be getting is great guidance, but you know what you need- don't cut yourself short. It only contributes to that fun disaster stuff I mentioned above.
   
3. So, after reading 2, I guess it goes without saying that I've moved back to the web to do more than giggle at PoWM... I'm job hunting again, but I'm going about it differently this time. Sure I glance at craigy, my old friend, and career builder and monster...but now I am doing the networking and exploring and posting and responding and freelancing. On all of this, I'll keep you posted.

But I think the most important move I've made isn't quite as obvious. My ultimate goal in life has always been to just be happy. Just be happy. Except, well... I always thought that if I was just happy that I'd be content and boring and wouldn't push myself or motivate myself. I never really took the time to figure out what happiness meant to me. The closest I can get to describing what I was expecting is when you finally spin that purple 4 and when you cross that last orange space, you opt for Countryside Acres because you think you've got enough of the orange tiles that you can leave Millionaire Estates for someone else.

Considering Milton Bradley ain't my daddy, I spent a long time spinning in circles.

And, somewhere in the abyss, in the past 4 months or so, I slowly realized that happiness is found in the little things. It's a particularly purple sunset. Or turning on the radio just in time to hear your favorite song. Or laughing so hard you can't feel your legs. Or conspiring against your parents with your younger siblings. It's a balance between appreciation for all of the wonderful things in your life and being creative enough to think of ways to make things better.

So even though I'm putting up with a whole lotta B.S. - I still found a little window to be happy and I'm being productive.


So- tell me, what made you smile today?

I'm not a smart person.

I’ve seen a lot of different opinions about what our generation of college graduates brings to the table, and most of them aren’t positive. In general, older, more experienced members of our society feel that we’re really good at skating the surface of…well, everything we encounter. We don’t really know very much of anything, but we’re pretty good at masking that with questions like “Well, what do you think?” and reading the shit out of Wiki articles so we can work our way through a conversation.

The first time I read an article that announced my stupidity to the world I was in shock. But what’s new? Every class of college graduates faces the doubts and hesitations of future employers. Everybody, no matter how experienced, is slightly insecure about whether or not they’re good enough to do what they want to do. Whether they know enough to accomplish what they need to. How they measure up to their competition. That question of ability really helps to keep us motivated. I’m probably one of the least competitive people you’ll ever encounter, yet even I want to know I’m at least measuring up. If not, what value am I to my employer?

I’m sure a lot of our hypothetical superficial knowledge has to do with the fact that we have access to so much. At work, I’m currently learning about the business world, about e-commerce, about Yahoo!, about web programming, copy writing, internet marketing and … QuickBooks. (That’s a lot at once, and I’m not even considering my own personal endeavors.) Sure they’re all related in one way or another, but in order to reach my goals of creating engaging copy and a successful internet marketing campaign for our business, I need to be incredibly knowledgeable of all of it.

How do I do this, now that I'm not at school? I create my own school. I ask my co-workers and my bosses "Well, what do you think?" "How do I do this?" "Where do I find that?" For things my co-workers don't know, I start with friends and family, old teachers I'm still talking to...and then I head to the web. Usually, searching for information on the web is overwhelming. We've all started searching for tips on something or another and ended up reading about how to keep a cut apple from turning brown. There's a lot of info out there, and it's all just a few clicks away. If we're motivated enough though, we stay focused and on task and filter to find what we need from sources that we trust.

The thing is, we're all completely capable of becoming experts. Really, maybe our potential is a little intimidating? Maybe we haven't spent the last 10 years in an apprenticeship, and maybe we've been taking jobs we're not quite fit for (it's the economy...I know SEO wasn't exactly what I wanted to do, but I have a job...and I happen to really like the challenges) but there's a reason we're getting hired, beyond the fact that we'll do it for less. We know how to process all the information that we're consuming.. the information that's changing and evolving quicker and faster than it ever has before.

So, I'm more intelligent than I am smart. I don't know a ton about a ton (not yet anyway), but I can admit when I don't know what's going on, I'm always ready to learn and I'm pretty f*ing resourceful.

What are you?

P.S. Here's the real article on how to keep a cut apple from turning brown :p

The Social Life of a Work-aholic

Let me elaborate. (When don't I?)

My family moved to Florida just as I started college in Upstate New York. Whenever I was home for breaks, I was working. I made one good friend during my four-year Bath and Body Works stint, but she's in an entirely different stage of her life, so when it comes to hanging out- we run out of things to talk about after an hour or so.

Now I've permanently relocated to SoFlo and landed myself in an office with five men, all of which are at least 8ish years older than me and all have families. Needless to say, any hope I had to find a bar-buddy in the work place has died a quick and dirty death.

I've bonded with some of my younger sister's friends, but have yet to find somebody that's in my "life stage." I can only handle so much talk about who's dating who or what classes the local colleges are offering and my pockets definitely can't handle how much money they spend on movies and food. Wow. Has my concept of spending changed that much, that quickly? They're only 2 or 3 years younger than me. Stupid "real world" life lessons. Psht.

So, I have to admit that my complete obsession with work-related research is just as much due to the fact that I need to kill time as it is a result of having a legit interest.

Have a spectacular weekend. (woot.)

Looking to the Internet for Answers

I don't know how many people pay attention to comments, so I'm throwing this in another post instead of doing a comment add-on to this past post.

This article is chock-full of links to websites where you can learn just about anything on the internet. If you're passionate about something, but haven't had the opportunity to pursue it through education, or don't have time to read 1000s of pages of books...or if you're just curious, the internet is a beautiful thing. The only problem is, everybody's on the internet telling you what to do, so who do you trust?

If I'm researching by myself (a.k.a. without referrals from flesh-and-bone people) I start with major websites that I trust who publish authors that they trust as well as other popular blogs that have links to more information. With so many pages out there, most of a site's reputation depends on its validity. So much so, that a site's page rank takes into consideration how many other legit sites link back to it. If you haven't noticed from my previous links, I'm a fan of MSN's career advice articles and the one above was appropriately listed on the side of an article that might help you figure out how to optimize your job search.

What sites/ apps are you guys using to learn something new?